I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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