Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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