had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
