It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
