Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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