You just made me feel so damn special
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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