I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
