I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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