you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
