he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
