She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
