Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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