Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
