Banned from zoo.
Again?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
MIDGETS
????
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
