i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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