i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
