I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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