He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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