Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
