he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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