so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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