Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
