My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
