I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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