There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
