....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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