so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
