You really coming over, don't trick.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
