Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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