My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize