So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
