his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My ass is underappreciated
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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