a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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