he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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