No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
