I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
