The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
