Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
