3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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