you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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