is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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