she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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