I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
