I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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