I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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