He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
