Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
