It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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