He told me they were just razor bumps!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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