Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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