He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
