my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
