yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
