i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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