the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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