Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
