well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
one might say we're banned from that church
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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